twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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