hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
