My first STD was from a foam party
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
