i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
