Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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