He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
