i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
