Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
