Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
