meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
