Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
