that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
