i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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