Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
