It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
