you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
