I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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