He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
