he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
