we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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