So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
