I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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