No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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