I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
