just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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