4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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