Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
