I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
