how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
