Sponge bath it is.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
