whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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