I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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