Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
