He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
