I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
