your parents love me but you hate me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
