tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
