Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
