wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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