I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
