At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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