Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
