there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
