R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
