Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
