Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
