and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My vagina just recognized that song.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy sore nipples Batman
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
