When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
