So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You have to summon your inner elephant
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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