Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
