My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
