You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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