I love black thongs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
